There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
