I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize