So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
