butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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