At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im holly from the hills drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
