I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a hot homeless man
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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