Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
