I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's great music for shaving your balls
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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