HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
