in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
