Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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