I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
