You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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