I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
