I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
