Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's the barista slut.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
