dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
