R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
