The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
