Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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