Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
