I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
