i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
