I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
