My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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