Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
