yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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