Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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