I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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