How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
