Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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