about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
