I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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