Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
