this beer tastes like vomit already
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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