dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Holy shit dude........stairs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
