I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
