Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize