Soap is not a condiment
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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