I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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