My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
