A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
