on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
