he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
These tits shall not be calmed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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