Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
