Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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