just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
