So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
