my vag is so smooth its legendary
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
