it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
