hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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