her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
