I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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