Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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