There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
