We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
