Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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