I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
