its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He passed out mid-signature
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
