we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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