Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize