But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
