i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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