I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
