just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
