dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
