You smell like stripper and shame
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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