He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
