i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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