a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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