Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
