the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
