okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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