Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
