he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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