Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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