you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
