Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
