If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
