I'm gonna have a badass scar
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
