Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
