i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
