After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
