I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
