We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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