1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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