You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sex in a hospital.. check
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize