had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
