i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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