Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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