shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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