you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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