There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
