He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
