Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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