careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
