opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And then he peed in my hair
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