I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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