I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
