dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
