just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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