i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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