If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ttyl tear gas
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
