My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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