So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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